About
Hello there. Ugh....my name is Timothy.. I'm 14 years old. Don't judge because I'm young. I despise most of the world, and this blog is an update threw my life, and every day is a journey for me. I was part of all types of abuse, but I wouldn't call myself a survivor. In my heart, I've always been the victim, even though the abuse is over, I'm still being tortured by the memories as cheesy as that shit sounds.
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This was horrible. But funny.HAHAHAHA! This is FUCKING AMAZING.
Hatesong - Porcupine Tree
101 Goals In 1001 Days
1) Paint 15 canvas’s in one day
2) Find a new lover
3) Forgive myself for kate and dasen’s deaths.
4) Find the perfect pill (again)
5) Sing one of my songs in the rain at night
6) Get guitar lessons
7) Stop cutting
8) Stop drinking
9) Finish the letter to my abusers
10) Buy a shirt that deals with “where the wild things are”
11) see where the wild things are and terminator 4 midnight showings
12) go to iowa and visit my friends and family
13) Love my parents
14) Run away
15) Tell adam i’m sorry for using him as a band-aid when i feel like shit
16) Find a new school
17) face my fears of death
18) see nine inch nails live again
19) tell people my story without being scared
20) fucking murder my anxiety
21) not say FUCK for one day
22) drink 35 1/2 cups of coffee
23) finish the new flash game me and justin are working on
24) see 5 live concerts
25) have a feeling of what death feels like
26) write an essay on what i think of about death
27) stop fantasying about the end of earth
28) meet, bond, and help patrick.
29) do a painting collab with patrick.
30) help shane
31) visit dasen.
32) sleep once a day for a whole week.
33) CHANGE MY FUCKING PANTS
34) not comb my hair for 1 day
35) paint a canvas for my grandma
36) shower without feeling like someone’s going to attack me
37) have someone hold me while i cry my fucking ass off
38) smoke 28 cigarrattes for no reason at all in one day
39) jack off
40) light my notebooks on fire
41) take 100 epic pictures in just 5 photo shootings
42) climb a mountain to the top
43) loose 25 pounds
44) swim without looking like a fucking dork
45) have a positve conversation with a group of mexicans
46) Get a tattoo
47) shave my eyebrows
48) go three days without being worried about anything
49) Talk and relate to a group of people that have gone threw my shit
50) tell my deepest darkest secret
51) wear a hat
52) sit in bed for a whole day listening to porcupine tree and radiohead while writing poems about kate
53) forgive myself
54) eat a cookie cake
55) forgive madeline
56) never talk to my ex girlfriends ever again
57) meet, laugh, collaborate, and fuck sophia.
58) help sophia get away from her abusive parents
59) argue with 15 people in one day and win with them feeling like shit.
60) smash a mirror and
61) buy 10 boxes of bottlecaps
62) go up to grandpa and form some kind of alliance with him.
63) have a sick, disturbing, relationship with my cousin to tell everyone of my friends about.
64) piss in the snow
65) become friends with people, not enemies
66) love myself
67) enjoy life
68) no nightmares for a month
69) buy a turtle
70) read 100 more books
71) eat a bug
72) watch the sunrise and sunset from sitting on a slide in a playground
73) fucking rip that picture that says “oscar on drugs” off my desk.
74) fucking get a job
75) Dont drink soda for 3 months
76) give a shitload of blood
77) save somebodys life
78) sleep outside
79) punch somebody (0/20)
80) play beer pong (0/30)
81) hang out with miller
82) go on a walk with steven in the graveyard at iowa talking about life
83) lick a car
84) fall in love with a random person
85) have a bond with my sister
86) stop thinking about the future
87) go to a buddhist temple (1/50)
88) walk to seven eleven in the rain
89) get drunk with miller
90) be open about my feelings
91) write poetry about nature
92) be friends with the wind
93) fuck someone without feeling depressed
94) punch kate’s dad in the face(0/5)
95) forgive my parents
96) Buy a girl flowers (1/5)
97) go to six flags
98) finish therapy
99) plan out my life
100) finish saving up for when i run away
101) find the right place to feel safe.
ADVICE
My therapist wants me to write a letter to the people who sexually abused me for four years of my childhood. I seriously don’t know what to fuckin write to them. Help?
CRYBABY
By: Cody Weber
Date: 4/7/2009
Time: 7:24 p.m.his baby teeth were rotted
from fistfuls of candy
and closefisted
old fashioned
discipline
Look at him, cold
bruised up on the dirt
with a hidden face
and feelings hurt
either sad
or in perpetual gaze
of an everlasting
absolute
a daze of
consequence
and almost truth
the sound of death rang
like a school bell
class was over
My childhood.
I need this fucking shirt! Click on photo to buy it.
Lightbulb Sun by Porcupine Tree.
A fucking masterpiece.
Dear God,
I’m going to kill you. I’ve been blaming myself for all the sexual abuse I went threw, but now I know it’s your fault. You weren’t there for me, or anyone else in this world. All you do is sit in your fucking thrown masturbating to our suffering. You will pay for your sins.
"We Fascists are the only true anarchists, naturally, once we’re masters of the state. In fact, the one true anarchy is that of power."
— The Duke, 120 Days Of Sodom
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